MONTREAL - Chris already has manly muscles, facial hair, a baritone voice and was accepted years ago by family and friends as a man.
But he's been told he cannot work for the Canadian military until he also gets a penis.
The story of this transgendered applicant to the Canadian Forces suggests that even in the far more liberal climate of recent years, there are still grey areas when it comes to sexual identity and the military.
The 31-year-old New Brunswicker does not want his real name published out of fear it might affect future job prospects. But he was willing to share his letter of rejection from the Department of National Defence and tell his story under a pseudonym.
The rejection letter identifies Chris as "Mr." and indicates the military would only reconsider "once a detailed assessment is provided by (a) family physician after the gender change is completed and definite gender identification can be made."
The military says it has no policies prohibiting transgendered people from serving. Spokeswoman Megan MacLean suggested questions could still arise over whether someone is deemed "medically able" to serve.
"If they try to join and are unable to medically serve, for whatever reasons, they are not recruited at the time and are told to come back once their medical situation is handled," MacLean said.
Chris has already undergone two sex-change surgeries and prefers to be addressed as a man. He says the military has forced him into a catch-22.
Here's his dilemma: he can't get a military job until he completes his sex-change procedures. But he can't afford the final $36,000 surgery unless he has a decent-paying job.
He's now filing a human-rights complaint at both the provincial and national levels and has returned to school to study social work should his policing career fail to pan out.
"The big issue is, OK, if I'm trying to get in the military, they're rejecting me because I don't have my operation," he said in an interview.
"If an employer can do that, how am I ever going to be able to pay for the operation?"
Fear for his job prospects explains why he wants to remain anonymous. His need for a good job is particularly pressing because his province's health plan will not cover the expensive procedure that would give him male genitals.
Meanwhile, he's spoken with other transgendered people and learned the recovery period is only a month. That leaves him baffled as to why the government might consider him medically incapable of serving -- especially since he passed his pre-entry physical with flying colours.
He said the military risks shutting out qualified people. Many transgendered individuals never even bother with the final surgery since it hasn't been perfected yet, he said -- and all these people would be left in limbo by the military.
"That's why I'm fighting right now," he said.
With degrees in criminal justice and corrections and 12 years' experience as a private investigator, he says he was told by recruiters he'd be a shoo-in for the job.
But when it came time for Ottawa to do a background check, much confusion arose. There was one glaring inconsistency when military personnel went to interview people for character references.
Some people referred to a "he" while others referred to a "she." On second glance, the military also realized he'd ticked off 'Female' in his application forms and the red flags went up.
"I put 'F' for female because legally here in New Brunswick we're not allowed changing 'F' to 'M' until our final operation," he said. "And because I'm going into policing, I was not going to be caught in a lie."
Egale Canada, a group that supports gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people, facilitated the interview with the 31-year-old New Brunswicker.
The group's executive director said there's definitely room for the military to improve. The way it deals with transgendered members is one issue but the military also needs to make up for historic wrongs, Helen Kennedy said.
Prior to 1992, service members who were outed as homosexuals were driven out of the Canadian Forces. Dating back to the Second World War, many of them received dishonourable discharges which meant they couldn't have access to veterans' benefits.
Last spring, New Democratic Party MP Peter Stoffer acted on a resolution drafted by his party's Quebec wing and asked the federal government to track down those members and apologize.
He's also calling for a public apology and for veterans' benefits to be awarded to those who need them and are still alive.
He suspects the task will be tough as many veterans are probably deceased. Others will be reluctant to revisit what was undoubtedly a difficult period in their lives, but Stoffer thinks it's important and could be achieved through public service announcements.
"We discriminated against those wonderful people," he said. "We learned from it. We no longer do it.
"But the reality is, we still have an awful lot of people who've never been told yet: 'By the way, what we did was wrong. We're sorry and we're gonna help you out."'
