Winter never came for me.
I say that not even fully understanding what that means, though I do know it means plenty to fans of âGame of Thronesâ and âHouse of the Dragon.â
Bring on the fire breathing, as I am fully prepared to be judged for all of what I am about to say. I completely understand fandom. I better, given that Iâm an entertainment reporter by both trade and choice.
Not to mention that those two shows have been massive hits for HBO, which shares a parent company with CNN.
I also admit to some FOMO when others are all in on pop culture obsessions, because I want to play too! And people love them some âGame of Thrones.â Like seriously love it.
My mom will tell you that pop culture has been in my blood almost since the beginning, especially television shows. If you wanted to keep me quiet as a kid, you either handed me a book or you plopped me in front of a television. Especially anything having to do with historical fiction.
So it would make sense that âGame of Thronesâ would be my jam since itâs based on the incredibly popular âA Song of Fire and Iceâ fantasy book series by George R. R. Martin. Upon seeing the promotional photos before the series debuted in 2011, I immediately thought âmedieval drama!â and was ready to be all in, starting with the novels.
The struggle began when I was reading the first book in the series. I am that annoying type of person who MUST read the book before the thing itâs based on comes out. (I also have to read book series in strict order, but I digress).
The first book is titled âA Game of Thronesâ and I settled in fully expecting to be engrossed by all 694 pages. I even poured my favorite beverage in my chalice goblet to set the mood for what I had heard was a powerful tale of the inhabitants of the fictitious lands of Westeros and Essos.
Things didnât go as planned.
I just couldnât seem to connect with the book, despite Martin being a fine writer.
âMaybe I just canât read it,â I thought, and downloaded it on Audible to listen instead.
Dear reader, it became the first audiobook I have ever fallen asleep to while listening.
So my expectations were already low when the series debuted. I tried to watch the first few episodes and they seemed too dark to me â and Iâm not just talking about the subject matter. The cinematography seemed so dark, at times I felt like I was struggling to make out the characters.
It all felt soâŚbleak. Add the fact that, as an empath, I really canât do beheadings, and I decided to tap out.
'Succession' but with swords
The show very quickly began to take over my social media feeds and thus began my feelings of being left out of what plenty of people appeared to be enjoying.
I tried to sort out why exactly I wasnât vibing with the âGOTâ franchise.
Was it because Iâm not the biggest fantasy fan? No, I loved âLord of the Ringsâ and âShadow and Bone.â
Was it the violence? Perhaps, though anyone who knows me (or followed either my writing and/or my social media) knows that I am a huge fan of mob movies. I even wrote an essay inspired by the fact that even though, in fairness, I watch a sanitized version that I recorded off of television so itâs not as violent as the original.
The closest explanation Iâve been able to come up with centres on the fact that âThe Game of Thronesâ characters arenât the greatest people, and even the incredibly handsome visage of Jon Snow (played by Kit Harington) doesnât change that fact.
As my editor Megan Thomas pointed out, it really is like âSuccessionâ with swords. Almost every character has an angle, and most of them arenât people youâd want as friends in real life.
âSuccessionâ is another hit HBO show by the way, so make of that pattern what you will.
When it comes right down to it, even for someone who enjoys watching any and all things having to do with the mafia, âGame of Thronesââ storylines of rape, war and incest felt way too brutal to me.
Solace can often be found in community, and I feel like Adam Elkus nailed it in his 2015 Medium piece titled
âIt is a form of power pornography in which viwers [sic] watch human beings degrade, hurt, betray, abuse, and destroy each other and then compulsively compete to see how can make the most clever gif or Imgur image out of such depravity,â he writes.
Heavy, right?
With this weekendâs premiere of the second season of the âGame of Thronesâ spinoff âHouse of the Dragon,â I decided to try again. This is the part where I should write something noble about how I feel like a different person or that I am in a different place years later, having survived the pandemic or something like that.
The truth is my friend actress LaNisa Renee Frederick has been documenting watching âGame of Thronesâ for the first time and cracking me up with her comments like âThese people need baths,â âIs he gonna die soon,â and âIs he Black? Are there Black people in this?â
With remote and snacks in hand I tried again to binge watch âGOTâ and ⌠nope. Still not for me.
Before you suggest that I jump straight to watching âHouse of the Dragonâ and abandon all hopes of its predecessor, scroll back to the portion where I mentioned my obsessive need to read things in order. That goes for watching things in order as well, and while itâs technically a prequel, just thinking about doubling back like that feels like I would be disturbing something in the force. (I know thatâs a Star Wars reference but, Iâm really trying to placate the fantasy fans who might feel tempted to come for my head.)
Plus, these days Iâm searching for as many things as possible to feel good about. So sorry âHouse of the Dragon,â it doesnât appear weâre meant to be.
Donât feel sad for me that Iâm missing out on all the action of the eagerly awaited second season, because Iâm cool with it. And should anyone try to shame you for the same or express that they canât believe that anyone wouldnât love âGOTâ or âHOTD,â share this piece with them. I want them to know it was me.
is a Senior Writer for CNN Digital in Atlanta. She covers internet subcultures, religion, positive news and various obsessions.