TORONTO -- Nearly a month after she announced the death of her baby, Chrissy Teigen has published an emotional essay describing what happened and how she and her family have been coping since the loss.
The essay, , begins with Teigen thanking everyone who reached out to share their own stories or send messages of support.
âFor weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, âyou probably wonât read this, butâŚâ I can assure you, I did,â she wrote.
On Sept. 30, Teigen and her musician husband, John Legend, shared on Twitter that their son, Jack, was delivered stillborn.
While the couple has two children, Luna and Miles, who were conceived through in vitro fertilization (IVF), the most recent pregnancy occurred without the procedure.
In her recent essay, Teigen recounted what it was like to deliver her 20-week-old baby knowing that he wouldnât survive.
âI was about to fully deliver what was supposed to be the 5th member of our beautiful family, a son, only to say goodbye moments later,â she said.
The model and TV personality also shared how she had spent the preceding month on bedrest and that she had been diagnosed with âpartial placenta abruption.â She revealed that she has always had âplacenta problemsâ and that her son Miles had been delivered a month early because he wasnât getting enough nutrition.
Teigen didnât shy away from detailing the painful month leading up to her childâs death and how she experienced bleeding every day that required her to wear an adult diaper and receive âbags and bags of blood transfusions.â
âAfter a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming â it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldnât survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either,â she wrote.
Following the news, Teigen said she asked her husband to take photos of her to capture her grief in that moment. She later shared those intimate photos when she announced the death of her child.
In her essay, Teigen addressed some of the backlash she received for posting such personal photos on social media.
âI cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that itâs something you wouldnât have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos arenât for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them,â she wrote.
Teigen finished her letter by describing what the weeks since her babyâs death have been like and how grateful she is for her family and for the kindness she has received.
âI wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so. Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see,â she wrote.
âThank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories.â
