SAINT-JEROME, Que. - A Quebec doctor says that on the night he killed his children, he was actually focused on committing suicide and, to spare them emotional trauma, he decided to "take them with me."
Guy Turcotte testified at his murder trial on Thursday that he took their lives because he didn't want them to find him dead.
In tearful testimony, he said he remembers only flashes of what happened that night in February 2009.
Those memories include consuming windshield washer fluid and stabbing his children, three-year-old Anne-Sophie and five-year-old Olivier.
Turcotte has admitted to causing the deaths of the children, but has denied intent or premeditation.
The defence says the first-degree murder case revolves around Turcotte's state of mind at the time of the killings -- and not over whether he performed the act.
He also testified he remembers their blood on his hands and desperately searching for a knife to kill himself.
It was Turcotte's fourth day on the witness stand. The day was marked not only by his testimony, but by the expulsion of a juror.
The case will continue with 11 jurors because, according to all remaining members of that jury, one member had exhibited a clear bias in the case. Details of the discussion cannot be reported because they are under a publication ban.
Turcotte testified that he'd read emails between his wife Isabelle Gaston and Martin Huot, her new lover, the night of the killings. He was crushed by the obvious passion in those emails.
"They love each other, it's evident," Turcotte said.
"Isabelle and myself, we'd never loved each other like that."
He then researched suicide techniques after the children had gone to bed.
""The goal was to die," Turcotte said. "I don't know how to explain it. What I saw (in the email) hurt me and I wasn't able to endure anymore."
In emotionally charged testimony, Turcotte described how his children had told them they loved him and tried to console him before bed.
What came after, he said, he could only recall in flashes.
"I can see myself dead, I am dead," Turcotte said. "And I don't want my children to find me dead. "I say to myself, 'I'm going to take them with me.'"
He also recalled a flash in Olivier's room.
"I have a knife in my hands, I stabbed him and Olivier told me "No!"," said a sobbing Turcotte.
"He struggles and I realize I'm hurting him. I panicked and stabbed him some more."
In another memory, Turcotte was standing in his daughter's room with a knife as she lay sleeping.
After he'd killed her, Turcotte looked for the knife to end his own life.
"I wanted to stab myself in the heart," Turcotte said.
"I hurt my children and I want to stab myself, but I can't find the knife."
