Forget "Independence Day," "The Towering Inferno" and every other disaster movie you've seen before.
Roland Emmerich's "2012" jacks up the Armageddon ante, giving new meaning to the expression "This time it's gonna blow!"
Emmerich's taste for big, cataclysmic adventure ("The Day After Tomorrow") catapults to new realms, thanks to a $260 million-dollar budget and all the CG artistry this big studio coin can buy.
Together with screen writer Harald Kloser, Emmerich clobbers audiences with so many "Pows!" and "Booms!" that they're left gawking at the big screen like a bunch of senseless lemmings.
That's not necessarily a bad thing.
Think of "2012" like rip-roaring apocalyptic porn. It will do absolutely nothing redeeming for that higher, better part of your being. But, you just can't help watch the whole world blow.
Right from the start, Emmerich whips audiences to key cities around the world, where scientists and heads of state confront the bone-chilling fact that doomsday is fast approaching.
This time it won't be a bunch of sissy aliens that takes out mankind. That would be too easy for Emmerich, Hollywood's king of big-screen calamity.
The bringer of destruction is earth itself.
As the planet's core heats up to unimaginable levels, Los Angeles splits apart and slides into the ocean. Yellowstone National Park melts into one, big, lava-spewing abyss. India is consumed by the mother of all tsunamis, and a cruise ship is shot straight to Davy Jones' Locker.
Cusack to the rescue
Of course, all that mayhem doesn't keep us from connecting with "2012's" ensemble cast, headed up most amiably by John Cusack.
Yet, even then Emmerich can't stop himself from blowing things up or playing on our environmental fears.
The White House and the U.S. President (Danny Glover) eat it thanks to the ocean's rampage. Eternal City Rome implodes in ways that would have made Emperor Nero cry for his mommy.
Cusack delivers a solid performance as "everyman" divorced dad, Jackson Curtis.
This down-on-his-luck sci-fi author jumps over cavernous holes and onto moving planes. He races through crumbling buildings and drives through napalm-like fire clouds to save his wife (Amanda Peet) and kids (Liam James, Morgan Lily).
Cusack's "little guy" heroism kicks butt, and never musses his slick, trademark hairdo once.
Oliver Platt conjures up one slimy White House Chief of Staff in Carl Anheuser. This political "pragmatist" doesn't think twice about dumping his sick, old mother to board the super-arcs that will save humanity.
Chiwetel Ejiofor (geologist Adrian Helmsley) convincingly voices the people, not self-serving politicos, as survivors embark on building civilization anew.
But, Woody Harrelson steals the show.
As kooky radio jock Charlie Frost, Harrelson pleads with listeners to believe that the doomsday prophecies are true. Just like Cassandra, who predicted Troy's fall, nobody believes him until it is too late.
So, don't blame Emmerich if "2012" isn't Tolstoy or more fun than doomsday ought to be. Emmerich's message remains loud and clear in this entertaining guilty pleasure. Go big or go home.
Three stars out of four
